Christene LeDoux: NEWS/BLOG

I’m a storyteller.

I got it from my dad, who got it from his mom, who got it from I don’t know where.

Lately I can’t stop thinking…
I want my father to tell me the story of his death.

Did you know you were dying? Was it painful? When it began, did you have time to think about me? Were you alone in the end?

I know this isn’t getting me anywhere, but further into those days of despair that seem to pour into the night and onward to my dreams.
If I’m lucky, the dreams take a positive spin and for a night, trick me into thinking he is still on this earth.

Like the dream where I was on a scavenger hunt at some giant antique store and my dad was there to tell me where everything was. It was his stuff I was rummaging through (which he hated in real life) frantically like it was life or death if I found it. Also, someone was chasing me.
My dad was right behind me at every bend as I picked up object after object that as I write now are still so vivid in my mind – his old watches, travel mug collection (that I inherited) stacks of mail, old coins from everywhere, nameless doodads he had a reason for keeping.
In this dream, he was there right next to me, behind or alongside me, telling me to hang in there, that I would find what I was looking for. He looked exactly the same and even shuffled with his (toward the end) signature slight limp, wearing his ratty house slippers, with his big t-shirtless belly.
His voice was soothing but full of strength, leaving you with the feeling he could break out into a joke at anytime. It was him. It was really him.
At the end of this dream, he gave me a hug and told me not to worry, he will always be here to help me find what I’m looking for. Then I woke up.

Or like the recent tragedy-induced dream where I was on a cruise ship going through a Tsunami, while holding onto to the top of the turbulent ship and the other hand was holding my phone, calling my dad.
In this dream, I wanted to tell him the story of my sinking ship. He wouldn’t believe how fast the ship was going or how gray the sky had become. He would want to hear how I was hanging on and how as soon as it came to a stop, I would tell him I’d hop off and would be home soon. This was a dream after all and in dreams you can do that. Hang on to cruise ships in rough waters and make phone calls.
Before I made it off the ship or told him any stories, I woke up.

Call him because he was the first person I always called. No matter where I was, what country I was in or what was going on – good or bad.

Like the time I called him from Austin, Texas after seeing it for the first time and telling him I belonged there. Or the time a few years after I called him from London to tell him I was lonely and didn’t know if I belonged there.

I used to imagine if I were in a plane crash who would I call if I had the chance. The answer was always my dad.

Stories are what made me who I am.
Stories percolated in my head for years until one day I picked up a guitar and brought them to life.
Stories put me on the roads of America, in taverns & cafes, on the couches of strangers.
Stories propelled me into the life of a touring folk songwriter.
And one day, stories flew me to Europe where I met and fell in love and now live with my Austrian husband.
Stories gave me my daughter and my new life.
Stories taught me to be grateful.

The day my dad’s story ended, I was celebrating at my baby shower. The one my sister decided last minute for me.
Eating Costco heavily frosted cake. Playing baby shower games like ‘who will our baby look like, me or my husband’ and ‘how many baby items can you come up with that start with B.’ Opening teeny tiny baby socks and onesies, little jeans & sweaters that almost seemed made for a doll.
All the while, creating new stories that I would someday tell. “Remember the day we had the baby shower and…”

Unknowingly, hours before, my father’s story had come to end.

He was invited to my baby shower and because I am only in the country once a year for Christmas, I was disappointed when he said no.
My brother also said no but he was clear why – it’s a chick thing.
My younger brother – well, it was being hosted in part by his wife (meaning his house) = he was cornered.

My dad, had a business trip. Nothing major but it had to be done and anyway, he loved traveling. The few years prior to his death, he had to slow way down so any chance to hop on a quick flight and he was ready. Besides, it was only for a night and my husband (who he loved) and I would be spending New Years Eve with him a few days later.
Instinct maybe, but I kissed him goodbye several times that night, which turned out to be the last time I saw him.
I hugged him harder than I ever had and I even ran out after his car for one last goodbye – making it four goodbyes in a span of a few minutes.
He said he was only going for one night and would see me in a few days, but my heart knew different.

In retrospect, the morning when I was getting ready for the baby shower (very pregnant and feeling very fat) storming around very grumpy & irritated, unable to settle, makes sense to me now.
Something was off and all the way up to driving the hour it took to get to my brother & sister in laws house where they were hosting it, was spent telling off other drivers, whining about being uncomfortable, feeling like I didn’t want to go to a party even if it was for me.

My papa’s story was already over at that point.

In some ways, I believe he was already with me. Back at my sister’s where we were staying, while I stomped around trying to squeeze into the clothes I packed weeks before that were already growing too tight around the middle.
I decided to wear the black dress and shoes I packed out of sheer desperation because nothing else was fitting or comfortable. Wondering at the time why on earth I even packed it thinking I didn’t need a black dress & dress shoes. I’m nearly six months pregnant and I’ll be lucky if I get out of my pajamas.

The same dress that turned out to be exactly what I needed for his funeral a week later.

He was probably there, rolling his eyes telling me to hurry up and get to my party, quit worrying, calm down. He had a story to tell me that at the end of my baby shower would be revealed and he needed me to be strong, surrounded by family.

When my phone rings, the first thing that comes to mind is, let it ring
I am not a fan of talking on the phone. In fact, I don’t even like to take it out of my bag and see who’s calling. Most times, I either turn it off or let it ring and go to voice mail and more often than not, it takes me hours, sometimes days to check messages.

This day was no different.
No different except I was in the middle of my baby shower and had a mouth full of white Buttercream frosting, which this very pregnant lady was not about to spit out.

When I looked at the name, I didn’t recognize it and when that happens, you can almost guarantee I won’t be answering, but because the story was already being written (unbeknownst to me) I was compelled to answer.

After a short exchange of, “Are you related to xxxxxx xxxxxxx Ledoux?” even a foggy-brained pregnant chick could make out this wasn’t good.

I ended up throwing the phone to my dad’s wife and ran out of the room in a panic.

Circling everyone and saying something is wrong with dad, something happened, I was told off more than once to stop jumping to (hormonal) conclusions and wait until the phone conversation ended.
Looking over at my dad’s wife to see a red face full of tears was all the conclusion I needed.

To this day, I’m still shocked out of everyone in the world the morgue could have called, it was me. The daughter with a phone number only used (via sim card) a month or so out of the year.
The daughter who rarely answers her phone, if ever.
The daughter, who was nearly six months pregnant and right, smack dab in the middle of her baby shower.

Why would you leave me with this story? How can you expect me to retell this? You were supposed to come that day and if you had, maybe one of us could have had the ambulance there in time to save you. Instead of your story ending on a cold, dirty airport floor while boarding a plane, you could have had us retell it, change the ending.
Maybe we could have saved you.
Maybe I could have saved you. Me and your unborn granddaughter.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t answer that phone and at least that part of the story would be on someone else.

It wasn’t meant to be because you intended for them to call me. You weren’t finished telling stories.

In moments of peace, I convince myself you gave it to me as one last gift from father to daughter.
From storyteller to storyteller.
From mentor to student.
It’s in those moments, I accept your ending.

With a strong heart, I attempt to find the right words to take such a sad day and make it into a story someone would want to hear because I know this is just what you would have wanted – another story.
Your last big story.

I am a storyteller.

I got it from you, who got it from Nanny who got it from who knows where and because I can’t get you to tell the story I want to hear, I have to find my own words.

I will retell it each time it feels right. Like when your granddaughter asks where is her Grandpa. I will remember as much detail as I can. I’ll put a spin on it when needed and change my voice for added drama when necessary. I won’t miss anything. I’ll make you proud.

I’m going to retell your story
the best I can dad.

Just like you taught me.

For the first time since my dad suddenly passed away this December, I am beginning to wake up again, get a grasp and fully realize this amazing time, my pregnancy.

Although logically I know this is an important time for me, my baby and my family, since my dad died I just kind of shut down. In every possible way.

I stopped thinking about what I ate, I couldn't go to the bathroom properly anymore, I stopped answering the phone, returning emails.
I kept the blinds closed, everyday and my bed surrounded with pillows and comforts. It's where you could find me nearly at any given moment, the day we flew back to Europe after the funeral.

Today, after the first real spring day, the first real feeling of winter ending, I made it out to the park with my dog.
A simple and necessary task for most people but for me these past few months, an impossible feat.

Not only was it a beautiful day but I didn't feel dragged out. Despite the pressure in my pelvis, the cramps and the overall uncomfortable feeling of being 8 months pregnant, I had a good day. A really good day actually.

So I owe hundreds of friends that wrote beautiful, meaningful messages, replies.
I've gotta' sit down and playback my voice mails and one by one, call each person.
I have thank you cards and packages to mail, pictures to download, save and forward and overall, a really big life to get back to.

By no means I am over it. Healed or moving on. That will never happen.

I am learning to live with it.
It's the best I can do.

I know my papa wouldn't want me to wallow in my pity. Lately, I hear his voice telling me so. It pained him to watch me my entire life worry about him.
When he first began having heart problems, I was far away touring Europe and he made it a point, not to tell me. He didn't mean harm, he knew I would drop everything and fly home. When the news reached me, he was right. I dropped a long, planned out tour in Britain to be by his side. Although he insisted I didn't need to return, I don't regret it for a minute.

Our lives are short. Our time here is borrowed. No one can get around this.

There comes a day for everyone, eventually, when you realize this and all the worries of tomorrow disappear. The wrongs let go and the future, what is left of it, embraced.

For me, that time is now.

Although my heart, thinking and life is forever changed, I know in the end, I am a stronger, better and more loving person for it.
I will never again take advantage of the love that surrounds me.

Today, it's as simple as baby in my belly, my husband, my dog and this breathtakingly beautiful spring day in the alps.

In memory of my dad who suddenly left us Dec. 27, 2009, I am offering the song I wrote him, "Angel you've come too soon" 5 years ago, for free download. Please see the hear/listen link to find it.

I will love & miss you forever papa. I guess your angel finally came to get you. :(

I wrote a message to you on New Year's Eve but didn't send it. I'm going to include it now.


Dear friends, December 30, 2009

I have contemplated just deleting my web presence altogether. For a long time now actually.

I don't seem to have much to say these days and have completely changed direction in my life.

In the spirit of new years eve and new beginnings and instead of disappearing, I will share a short update. Perhaps it may shed some light on where I have been and what has been happening.

As you know, in 2008 I released the new record. Throughout that summer and onward, I suffered very bad health, more hospital stays and began yet another long, inward journey.
I came out of my illness strong despite it running me down in every possible way.

I was also happy to be holding a new "baby" in my hand. A new CD I was and am, very proud of.

Following the release of the new CD and tours that followed, a lot of changes took place in my music career. Including the walking away from what I thought were friends, both related to the music business and not.

Sadly, I learned a lot about people, real friends and the music business and overhauled my life entirely.
It wasn't an easy transition to make, but I knew it was coming and followed my instinct allowing it to fade.

I spent the following year recovering my health physically and trying to salvage spiritually, what the music business single handedly crushed.
I don't say that lightly.
For those of you that have followed me over the years and/or really know me outside of the business, you know there was nothing more joyous for me than finding my voice and chasing what at the time was my dream - being a musician.
I found it late in life but when I did, it changed how I lived. For a girl who spent the better part of her youth not choosing life, this is saying something for me.

Musically speaking, time and politics eventually killed the innocence, while the travel and stress of being a full-time touring songwriter killed my body and mind.
In the end, I was rundown in a way I wasn't sure there was a way out of.

Fortunately, fate took me in a direction I could never have imagined.
I met my wonderful husband and began a new life and completely new direction.

It was really scary at first and honestly, I fought it for the first couple of years. Both getting married and living in a foreign country took some getting used to.
I've now reached a place in my life that I understand, embrace and adore.
I am completely at peace and full of contentment with how my life has turned out.
I couldn't feel luckier and happier with the path I am on.

Since being sick and releasing the new CD, my husband and me have begun a new journey into parenthood.
A journey I dreamed about my entire life and one I knew that someday I would be ready for.
Dying and never becoming a mother was one of my worst fears. For realizing this dream, I am so grateful. Carrying a child and preparing for motherhood is one of the biggest gifts I have experienced yet. I am so grateful.

Sadly, while experiencing the wonders of pregnancy, my dear, sweet and amazing father has passed away.
It has only been a few days and why I am sharing this so soon, I am not sure.
Trying to heal, find a way to grieve maybe. I don't know. I just know that I felt an overwhelming need to share how different I feel. How much things have changed and how despite the closure of certain people in my life, I have moved on from any negative feelings I may have had about well, everyone and anything. It all seems so unimportant now.

Because of these life changing events, I feel completely removed from all the little things I used to think mattered.
It's true you let all those things go when bigger things in life come at you.

I am focusing on the big picture now. The only things that really matter to me which are my family and real friends.

Life is so short and so precious and I will never, ever again waste one minute of it focusing nor distributing any type of pain or negativity to those around me or in the universe as we know it.
I will do everything in my power to let it all go and everything I can to give my little family the chance we so deserve.

I will always love and appreciate my music and you, my fans that I have given so much hope, love and encouragement to me over the years.
For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart and will forever be grateful.

It's just that, I no longer feel any need to prove myself. To chase my own tail just to prove I can catch it. Or just for the show it puts on for those around me.

I've moved on for now and would like to live out of the spotlight, both online and in person.

I will likely still have a foot in the business and continue down new avenues to satisfy my soul.
However, the full out chase has been called off. Happily.
And this new age of everything public and online has finally taken it's toll on me, I am gracefully stepping back and hiding behind the curtain.

My biggest fan, my father, has moved on from this physical world.
I will never, ever be the same.
I dedicate my humble little career to you papa. Thank you for everything you have done for me, believed in. I miss you so much it's hard to breath and I will love you forever. I wasted so many years running around the world trying to prove myself, when all along you already saw who I was. For that, I feel really sad. I wasted so much precious time.
Now I see what I was running to and from and as life moves on, I realize it's too late to take it all back and come home. I will always regret that.
I hope I can counteract that by reminding others not to waste one, single minute of their lives.
If you think you are not living your life for yourself, look closely and fix it right away.
Tell your loved ones you love them - everyday. Love and forgive yourself no matter what. Don't let anyone get in the way of that - including you.

Dear friends, thank you for taking this journey with me and until and if we meet again, may you find peace, love, happiness and joy in both your family and friends and all that you do. Both in 2010 and beyond.

I am routing for us all.

Love, Chris

So you've probably been wondering where I've been.
I'm still here. :)

Sorry I've been so out of touch with you guys. I know I used to be much better about journal'ing here and keeping in touch.

Since my illness last summer, I've kept a pretty low profile and as you probably know, not doing too much in the way of shows other than close my region in Europe.

I have been however going in new directions with my music and getting some great results. Music film/tv and I'm working on a lot of exciting musical projects here at home in Austria.

It feels amazing to have been off the full-time road and I must admit I don't see myself going back anytime soon.
It's a lifestyle better suited for people that don't mind being away from home for weeks or months on end. I used to be one of them but since getting married and beginning a new grounded life, my priorities have shifted drastically to family and taking care of myself.

I still love each and every one of you and am so appreciative of all you do for me. <3
Thank you so much.

Just so you know, I am not done with live performing. I just need this extended break to first and foremost take care of my health. Now that I am in the clear and feeling strong and healthy, I will continue to take a leave of absence (other than a few one-offs and a week here and there) until I feel the time is right to jump back in. Even then, it won't be the crazy months and months on end on the trains of Europe alone. I can say with heart I have seen enough and don't feel the need to chase it in that way anymore.

In the meantime, watch your favorite shows and listen at your local cinema's for my music. I'm very excited at the developments in that department and to be honest, the residuals from this will allow me to continue with less touring and more records.

I'm working on a few new record concepts which for now, I am keeping a secret. :)
I promise when the time is right, I will tell you more.

It's finally Autumn here in the alps and I must admit I am fully enjoying being home with my husband and our sweet rescue golden retriever, Buddy. We're about to renovate our place and soon thereafter it'll be time for our Annual Christmas trip to see my family. The highlight of our year - especially mine.

With that said, Fall and Christmas time here in Innsbruck is spectacular and I feel so lucky to be here every second to enjoy it.

So let the pumpkin-carving, pie-backing and leave-raking begin!

I am thinking of you and hope so much this finds you happy, healthy and full of love - wherever you are. Thanks for being in my life and believing in me.

Love,
Chris

I admit it, I’m afraid to die.

I got to thinking today about the past couple of years. Where my life has gone.
How did I lose so many people I love recently? Both in death and in friendship?
When will I go? And when I do, will the ones I lost touch with care? Will they even know?
More importantly, will I have lived honestly and fully? Will I have done all of the things I set out to do, didn’t know I should try and love as hard as humanly possible?

The answer was a resounding no and that is where it began.

With all of the media deaths lately and more important to me, my friends passing on, I’ve been quite the morbid one.

I can’t deny I have always been petrified of losing the ones I love. So much so that I routinely since a child checked to see their chests were rising and falling with air.
Yet with all the time I spent worrying about losing my friends and family, back when I was younger, I never really put a second thought to my own death.
It’s only something in the past couple of years I have not only really started to try and wrap my head around but fear. Not a good feeling.

I got to thinking what if someone in the music industry interviewed me about my recent hiatus from the music business. What if they wanted to know every detail down to every thought.
At the end of the day, or life as it will someday be, any interviewer will have long forgotten a little folk singer like me. He’ll hardly remember he asked such profound questions.

So here I go. I’ll interview myself.
But instead of questions I am going to start with answers.

I often tell people the story of being 28.
When I was 28 I didn’t really know.
What I mean is, I was still in the phase of my life where things just flowed from one thing to next. One year bled into the next. One heartbreak to another. One town to one city, to another country and so on.
I wasn’t really watching the clock. Time was moving slowly.
Of course I could have died at 28. But I didn’t. And more than anything, I just didn’t have a huge sense of my own mortality. I lived pretty free and allowed people, places and things to touch me as deep as they could and not give a second thought. I knew how to live. Mostly.

Then at 35, on my birthday, I woke up with not only the obvious fact I was 35 but a psychological, physiological sense of being 35. Like waking up with your eye mask when it’s light but for a minute, you think it’s still dark. When it comes off, it’s a major shock. That’s how I felt. Shocked into 35.

And I believed and still do, in the 7 year cell change.
They say every 7 years your cells change and along with your whole make up.
I wasn’t waiting for it or anything. In fact, I don’t know that I was aware of it then. I just know on that day, I leapt from 28 to 35. Really, in one day I felt 7 years older in every way.

It wasn’t long after that while touring in Greece I met my husband.

I knew when I left for that particular tour I was a changed woman. I knew something was coming and I saw everything in an entirely new light. I was waking up, again. For the first time? I can’t be sure. However I do remember clawing and scratching my way onto the Transatlantic flight. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to leap anymore. I started to get scared for the first time in my life.

To make a long story short, we met, we courted, we married. And here I am happily married and living in the alps of Austria.
Sounds like an ending doesn’t it?
And it is in some ways. But a beginning I couldn’t possibly imagine took a strong hold and has not let up since. Everyday it’s stronger and everyday I feel my skin is going to burst open.

I was married, friends started dying. I mean, really good friends. Not that any passing is ok but these were the ones I expected to sit in old age with on the porch.
Just like that, gone.
And then I realized I may have missed a few important stops on my life path. How could that be? Time was moving so slow. I had so much of it. I thought.

All of sudden my clock starts ticking. I mean, it just went off one night. Screaming, blaring, thumping, bashing me over the head with the sound of it.
Baby. Baby. Baby.

Then when I thought things were weird enough, I started to have some health issues. Major ones that required a lot of hospitalizations and with that, show cancellations. In turn it was like dominoes and pieces began tumbling.
I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t save me. I had to let things fall where they may.

It was like one day I am 28 and the next I am reaching a ’semi-middle age point, baby making time but I have no time, where are my friends, what did I miss, what should I do point.’
Crisis? You bet.
And how did I deal with it? I stepped away from the very thing that gave it to me. Music. It’s just what happened.
I can’t explain it any better nor excuse it anymore.

I’m coming back now. Slowly. On my on terms. But I’d be telling a big, fat lie if I said I am not sick of answering the questions about where have I been, when will I come back and why did I leave in the first place.

Life. Life just caught up with me and there was that one day that I just woke up.
I woke up and realized it was mine and mine alone and I had to accept where I was, what I was going through. Live it, deal with it and move on.

And I have.
It was a slippery one this time. Hard to keep in my hand. Not tangible but I think I understand now. I’ve got a hold now.
Truth be told, you couldn’t pay me any amount of money to go back to 28 or 35. Really. I worked too damn hard to get here, I’m not going back now.
It’s time to get to work on the next phase.
Before my time runs out.

Do you ever think about the fact that one day, all of this internet presence you have spent a painstaking amount of time and money on will be gone?

That one day after you have died, after all the tributes on these said sites will have worn off, prices gone up to host your site, passwords forgotten and friends and family dead, that life will have just moved on? www.INSERTnamehere.com will disappear and be handed over to someone else? Or worse, parked?

Recently a friend of mine passed away.
As I was searching through my contacts I discovered all of this time he had web site up and I didn't know. He wasn't a musician but was in the business.

What? How could I not know he had a website.

When I clicked it through I discovered that it had lapsed.
I thought perhaps it had lapsed long before his passing.
Then upon emailing his wife I was told, "There's just no reason to keep it. We knew who he was."

So what happens now?
Well, life I guess.
And www.INSWERTnamehere.com will soon be forgotten, along with any trace of the original and/or first, second, third (someday) owner.

And when did things change so much that our worlds revolved around technology, the internet and someone validating our existence and taking up so much of our time by the way? Yes, I am one of them. My point exactly. Sigh.

Strangers are scanning the land of the digital age looking to read about you, see you in photo's, rejoice in your victories, cry with you over your losses. Maybe their wasting their lives away too. Living through others, neglecting whatever it is they should be doing. Could be their "networking" or "poaching" information. Whatever, they're online too.

Remember, eventually one of you will pass. Someday, somehow, you or them, will die. It's one of the only things we can count on whilst living.

So I have this to say. What do you want to leave behind?
A strong presence online that will eventually fade to nothing or stories your friends and family will make sure live on?
Think about it but don't email me your answers. I could be dead and if I'm not, I'll be out attempting to live my life OFFline ... as someone's daughter, once a young girl too.

I know I have been quiet here.
Thanks for understanding. <3
I am in the process of having a life, changing things up a bit and taking a break from touring.

I wanted to post this article written for a good friend of mine that has passed. :(

Vic Heyman was a true hero in the musician community, especially and mostly the folk circle.
He was a good friend to me, a huge supporter in every way and will be sorely missed.

My computer crashed, died...completely ate everything. *sigh*
So I write first of all to tell you, if you have written and have not gotten a reply, that is why.
If you have ordered the CD and did not receive it, that is why.
If I was supposed to send you a video or photo or whatever else may have been on my harddrive, those are gone too.
If you are wondering if this is true my answer is sadly, an astounding yes. *double sigh*

The good news is... I believe you get what you ask for.
I believe the universe brings it on like no other, even when you forgot you asked in the first place.

I am a positive light giver, for the most part pretty happy go lucky gal. I don't have too many complaints, although I probably should.
But the one thing I have always dreaded is the amount of online work, emails, graphics etc... etc... etc... I have.
Feeling trapped inside, behind the computer and utterly cut off from the rest of the living and breathing world behind a screen.
My to do lists were out of control. They started for the day and turned into lifetime achievement books...um, I mean to do lists.
My email has been insane for years and many had gone unanswered for even longer.
In fact, I was recently digging through the ridiculous pile and getting ready to turn a new leaf.

Alas... the world did it for me.

So I got what I wanted afterall.
I am starting fresh, with a cleaner slate than I would have liked...nonetheless, spick and span.

Again, if you happened to stop by here and check in and were one of the thousands I owe a message to, I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
I'd like to imagine my information, documents and files landed in that never-never land somewhere between those lost socks and one shoes that seem to have disappeared. Never to be seen again.

In the meantime, I leave you with this...




love,
Christene

Returning from Austrian wine country back to Innsbruck, I was surprised and delighted to see the sun, feel the crispy air and smell the snow on it's way. Heaven to me.

It's been a strange and bumpy ride the past 5 months since the release of my newest record. Beautiful and disturbing. Usual life stuff.

I have lost people I love, both in death and in my life in general. Lost a youth I held on to for way too long. Not an easy past by far but one which allowed me to become who I am so I suppose it's all I knew. And I can't say I regret anything.

This stage in my life is a ride (the end of one?) for sure and I've taken many. It's the kind that you get on knowing for well you'll be sick before you get off though. My fault for sticking around so long I suppose. Did I really have a choice?

So many people I thought would never leave, always be in my life. Others I just can't imagine life without that are just so far away, I can't reach them no matter what. Once a year is just not enough.

My husband and me are ready for a new path. Especially me.

The road hit me early, long and hard and to be honest, it's a path I never had a chance to choose. As in most cases, it chose me.

My health the past couple of years has taught me, I really don't have as much control as I thought. If any.
In the end, life gives me as much as I can handle. As much as I can muddle through without doing too much damage that's unrecoverable. I hope anyway.

I'm just a little tired from it all. Finally. Finally after all of this time, ready to breath. Ready to start the next chapter. I know, corny. But really, until you hit those trails, you have know idea how hard the hike will be. I really thought I had seen and done it all. Boy, life sure makes a joke of you. The elements always win.

Anyway, I'm hanging up my touring hat for a bit. Sorting the part of my life I set aside all of this time. Most importantly my health. My family and friends, a future without staring at a very unglamorous hotel wall, living on pennies, being alone far too long, competing with strangers that don't know me at all but that are ready to claw my eyes out. *ah sigh* Feels good just writing it. Saying goodbye for awhile I mean.

This time of year always... no matter where I am brings me back to who I always dreamed I'd be, am and still aspire to find. And it's not about what I do, how much money I make or what anyone thinks of me. Something about the coolness wakes me up all over again. Thank god for dead leaves falling.

I'm still here, don't worry. Just let me rest awhile and I promise I will once again return. Return with new colors and energy, at the next step. Feeling it and living it so hard there will be no choice but to share it with you. For the moment, I am empty and have nothing more to say.

love, Chris

Dave was like that.

Even in death, he's trying to make me smile.
When I traveled from Austin, Texas to California the morning of April 19, 2008, I had no idea that writing a blog that day going on about 12 somehow being my new lucky number, was not only a message from the universe I missed but in a weird way I can never explain, Dave's way of sending me light and trying to make me smile.

We met in 1987.
I answered an ad in the local newspaper for a free kitten.
He was a kitty rescuer.

I drove out to what seemed like the middle of nowhere, answering this ad from a complete stranger and proceeded to go inside his house to save my newly adopted kitty.

I remember him coming out in this crazy tye dye shirt, with this gigantic grin written ALL over his face and all I could think was... What. Did. I. Get. Myself. Into.

But then he gone and planted that cheeky grin grin right on and straight through me. And then and there and forever, he always had the ability to undo my dark and make it light.
He was gifted with people like that but I wonder if he knew.

After the day we met, we started on the path of a deep friendship I have yet to mimic with anyone I know. A friendship that stood a true test of time, even if it was only 20 years.

He used to bring me picked flowers from the side of the road on his walks over to see me, gather berries from his garden, write just to say I love you my friend and please SMILE today. Always in capital letters.
He was that kind of soul, that kind of person. The good kind that didn't get made up in someone's head but so real you wondered how he did it. You feared for his sensitivities he wore so selflessly for all to see. Even for people I know didn't deserve it but Dave never saw it that way.

So when I saw him in January of 2007, I had no idea it would be the last time because Dave although struggling most of his life to as we used to say, "to be like a normal person" (whatever that is) he always seemed to land on his feet just like those little kitties he used to save. I was sure he made it out of the woods this time and being that he found his lifelong path of being a ranger, I was sure he was safe from harm amongst the dreams he so deserved to realize.

So tonight, this morning at now nearly 4am, 2 hours since I found out about his passing, I am cursing and loving him for both making April 12 such a horrible day and April 19 the day of his burial a weird one I would come to write what now seems like an insignificant jumble of words about that very number 12.

You see, I didn't know he had passed April 12. And I didn't know on April 19 when I was flying back to the very town we were from and where he was being buried that day that I was writing some ridiculous blog from yet another airport and feeling eerily compelled to blog of the number 12.
A blog full of words that both make no sense yet somehow because I know Dave's calm and peaceful nature in life, he was telling me it was OK. Even in death, he wanted to send me a lucky day. SMILE.

Dave sent me so many beautiful messages over the years.
As friends and so called friends came and went into my life.
All the moves and Uhauls, traveling and lack of postcards and still, he
always tracked and chased me down at just the right time to say: SMILE, I love you!

So simple but if you knew Dave, you would know he really meant it.
I always knew he meant it no matter where in the world I was, how lonely I felt or how unloved I thought I would remain. He beamed right through my computer, through cards and calls and never stopped believing that we both deserved a life full of happiness and peace. And through it all, he emanated peace both to anyone who met him and the world around him. NO matter what and it seems now, even at the cost of his precious life. Dammit.

So to you my sweet-smiling, strawberry-picking, flower-giving friend, I will make you this one last promise of taking that horrible number 12, the day you took your life and making it into something good.
This, this is what you have always done for me and the world around you and so selflessly. Light from dark.

I will celebrate your life not only on this day but everyday. But in my heart when 12 rolls around, I will know you spoke to me even when your nine lives ran out.

I love you Dave. I miss you so much. I'll catch up with you eventually but until I do, SMILE, I love you!

From his brother and his wife Jennifer & Rudy Rivera:

We're taking part in the 21st Annual Aids Walk 2008 on October 25 to raise money for Desert AIDS Project - please make a donation by visiting my Firstgiving page: http://www.firstgiving.com/teameloy08

You can donate online with a credit card. All donations are secure and sent directly to Desert AIDS Project by Firstgiving, who will email you a printable record of your donation.

Please send my page on to anyone who might like to donate!

(Started to write June 24, 2008 & added up to now)

Spencer the chocolate lab is snoring loudly as I type:



I'm in Wales... the South of Wales in a beautiful cottage in the middle of nowhere. Absolute heaven. Thanks to Tom & his beautiful family for hosting me. <3
And thanks to "Daisy," my Sat Nav for getting me to this extremely remote farm in Wales:


p.s When you hear that beep, it's because I am speeding... Love how she keeps that in check. Annoying.

This is the gorgeous mostly from their farm dinner (and only home cooked dinner on round II of touring) waiting for me when I arrived:



Oh wait, let me show you the video of getting here... Um, a road that REALLY only fits one little car. I'm not sure how they decide who backs up and who doesn't but in my case, I looked so freaked out every car I came across backed up for me. heh:



Tom kindly offered to host me. He's a friend from my Innsbruck Expats group now back home in Wales and with his family while figuring out his next adventure. He's the real deal. Spent a year traveling the world by himself and along the way, met a girl in Spain which is how he had ended up in Austria... long story short.

So...
I don't even know where to start really.
Where did I leave off last time?
In Sheffield I think, on some days off? Early June?

So much has happened since then, I'll try to summarize it without leaving anything out.

During my days off in Sheffield (I guess that was around June 6-10 or something...?) I took a train up to Lancashire for an extremely fun BBC radio show called "Ladie's at lunch" where I not only sang of course but to my surprise (and only horror because I thought it was live radio) there was a live audience for this regular BBC talk show. Unfortunately I looked like I'd been run over by a truck:

I've seen better days:



Unexpected morning audience:



I sang a couple of songs but even more fun talked about a wide range of topics with the hosts and a couple of guests on the show:



We covered everything from health care in our own countries to health care abroad (which unfortunately I know far too much about) snoring & more... I even talked about my husbands snoring and considering he was listening from Austria, I'm not sure how well that went over. :-)
My dad also listened in but from America. Nice except for the part about me mentioning him marrying Cindy (his new wife) to get on her insurance. Not exactly what I meant (at all actually) as they are in love but just an example of the health care in America and the both of them having do it a little quicker than they had planned. He didn't get it:



I headed back via train to Sheffield and the following day or was it the day before? Geesh, I'm losing it. Had a really fun live interview and performance on BBC Radio Sheffield. My dad listened to that too and even heard his, "Angel you've come too soon" song played off the record for the first time:



Pete and Jane (and Pete's dad visiting from Florida Eric) were wonderful hosts and fun to be around. They made fun (lovingly) of my crazy raw food diet and were sweet in every way to both accomodate it and in general go too far out of their way to drive me to my radio show, the train station and most importantly, later that week host an excellent show at Pete's new venue The George. Sweet people all the way around.
I picked up a kettle at the start of my tour which came in handy that night so I could keep refilling my throat coat tea without bugging the bartendar. I got some loving grief for that too but it was all in good fun and you're not touring England unless you have yourself a cuppa or two.

The Bury show was also great and the co-bill with an excellent British songwriter named Steve Gifford. He reminded me a bit of James Taylor and overall was just so pleasant. Thanks for watching my salad while I ran around Steve! :-):



I ended round 1 of touring with the highlight of that tour - an incredible couple of days with friends just outside of Liverpool in Birkenhead. It was absolutely amazing to see and hear Jim Rae again and as treat this year, two other excellent songwriters he's currently collaborating with; Phil Chisnall & Joe Topper. Jimmy you are so bloody talented in every way and I love you. Come to Austria OK?!

This is us during the encore song. A last minute (that day) addition to the show:



And this is a snippet of me singing one of the first songs I ever wrote. A fan got me into singing it again, "Bus to the ocean.":



What an unbelievable night we all had - truly. A stellar way to end round 1 with very good friends and a reminder why I make music in the first place. Seriously.
Thanks to my beautiful friend Vicky and her gorgeous daughter Anabel for hosting me and if you try to give me your bed next time V, I won't let you! You're so sweet, thank you again:



I got back to Innsbruck for a much needed 5 days off but regrettably didn't get much of a break. Spent most of time shipping CD's out to pre-orders, family, agents etc... running off posters, had another call-in BBC radio interview. My poor husband took the remaining time which sadly wasn't much and said he was happy. It was hard being home for such a short amount of time. It almost made me miss him, my friends and home even more.
Euro 2008 was in full swing and the streets beautiful chaos. That was fun to see anyway and we did have a nice last evening together overlooking the city from a gorgeous panoramic bar. I don't eat dairy anymore but I decided to deal with the pain after and go for a gelato to top off the night. Oh yeah!

Glimpse of Euro 2008:



Round 2 of touring started off with the usual 3am rise, 4am dash to Munich for a 7am flight.
The first half from Munich to Heathrow was better than a couple of weeks ago when apparently the tower didn't "expect" our plane on the schedule. Craziness.

While sitting behind the counter waiting to pre-board for my puddle jumper to Newcastle I met a man. He started the conversation by asking, "Singing yer' way round' the world are ya'?" and we began to talk about the hardships of life on the road. He told me about his version of traveling from here to there and the difficulty of getting around since his hip replacement. He had a cane and while traveling through the airport. He was using an airport wheelchair which he was quick to point out was the way to travel through the madness.
I told him about my illness and hospital stays last year and the long break I was forced to take because of it. How I felt apprehensive to be back on the road but here I was... redefining and reshaping my life in music, as a tumbleweed.

We're really getting philosophical now when I asked him what kind of work he did that laid him on the sometimes hard & dirty road and do you know what he replied?

"I'm Darth Vader."

Seriously.
Dave Prowse, THE Darth Vader.
After he told me, I tried to listen close to his voice. I later found out his voice had been dubbed.
He's taking singing lessons now, working on some co-writing and a record, manages a few bands on the side.
Who would of thought Darth Vador would be in the music business.
.
His autograph sure came in handy later at the rental car company at the Newcastle Airport when I realized my credit card had been drained (not by me but the evil on the internet!) and we couldn't get the card to work to get my car! He said, "The force is with you!" and it was...thanks Darth!

And thank god for those words because for some crazy reason, my friends at the airport whom I am beginning to see every other week it seems, sorted things magically so I could get my hire. *whew* Thanks Dave and thanks Desmond & Brian. I can't wait to see you all again.

My first show was that night in Reeth.
I had a shorter set than usual but a good one. I decided to do tumbleweed which I choose carefully when I don't get a long set time (most of you know what I am talking about:-) My hosts John and his wife were adorable and hard-working with the show. Totally welcoming in their home and my god, what a beautiful little village Reeth is. It's in Cumbria and if you have never been in England, I suggest you get your butt there. Wow:



It was rainy and cold and after Reeth and I really just froze the whole time & HAD to get this handmade by a local hat to keep my poor little cold head warm:



My sweet hosts layered the bed with an electric blanket which was super helpful and cozy.

Although John Wright passed away recently, his band is continuing on with his 2008 booked shows. Pete from the band took over the lead and did a wonderful job. A gorgeous singer in his own right and the band were so talented it made my stomach hurt. The band each played no less than 6-7 instruments. I stopped counting.
I can't wait to get back to Reeth and out and about to see the guys again.
Here are a few photo's the day after before I headed out:



Doesn't the ivy look like a heart?


Tea house I thoroughly enjoyed:


That day I took a GORGEOUS drive through Cumbria along rivers and old villages, falling apart stone houses scattered throughout and pulled over to indulge in a bit of clotted cream fudge, watch the rolling hills and of course sheep for days - to meet and play for another great set of hosts Penny and Paul. What a totally gorgeous couple, with a great daughter, Rosie the dog and venue they have built up all these years.

I had a night to remember.
I made up a funny song on the post about Penny and Paul's sweet doggie Rosie but to my horror, sang about the dog and used their daughter's name Daisy instead! It was pretty funny though and Penny came on stage with me and got the audience howling. I wish I had that on video!

Penny and I stayed awake pretty late chatting it up below their house in their antique shop. I must say it was pretty cool sitting on the antique couch at the window of the shop in the middle of the night. Surrounded by my favorite things...old things.

It was pretty cold and rainy heading out when I left to drive to my friend Dave's house about 45 minutes away in Wigton but what a gorgeous drive anyhow. Cumbria is now on my list of must see every tour and for sure, come back and really spend time when not working. I stopped here to have some MORE tea and indulged in a big no-no, fudge...i.e "clotted cream":



When I got to Dave's we had planned to visit the Lake District but with the late arrival and the weather, we opted for take out instead. Something else I don't do anymore so it was a big treat to eat chinese!
And true to his nature David had a water bottle to keep my feet warm waiting in my bed. The kicker? It was wrapped up in a furry stuffed animal dog. He's onto me and my obsession (dog envy) while on the road:



I spent some time on Skype as well (internet is hard to come by on the road lately) and unfortunately, the business side of music along with the stress of touring, the cold maybe... threw my body into a fever.
It was on and off through the night and although I was with a sore throat in the am, I still had a great show that night in Wales.

I drove 6 hours down to Swansea which compared to the ridiculous amount of driving I used to do in the states is NOTHING but it wrecked me.
In and out of hired cars and planes, homes and hotels, stages etc... day after day, starts to wear you down in general.
I was pretty out of it when I arrived and although was dying to get through soundcheck and to my hotel to rest, really only had enough time to eat my salad beforehand and get in the shower.
My friend and promoter David drove me to the hotel allowing me to leave my car til after the show which was great.
And Dave... I don't know where to begin with this beautiful man except to say we have for sure met in another life - or were supposed to meet in this one. A true soul friend I am utterly in love with and will treasure. Love you D:



I had a great show and a few people turned out after reading the Maverick piece, word of mouth from other shows... yay:





In all the years I've toured around these parts, this is my first in Wales.
It really is different from England and without offending beautiful England which I love, the people just seem a bit easier.
When I drove in it was sunny and much warmer too - by as much as 10 degrees celcius actually. A huge difference. So that could have been part of the fresh and new feeling I got when I crossed the border. I'm not sure.
I just know I adore Wales and the Welsh and absolutely cannot wait to get back here.

Bulith Wells was another gorgeous, gorgeous village and the drive even more incredible:



I was awstruck. Despite the fact I was expecting to see a petrol station and I didn't and well, ran on fumes through the hills - I loved every second on the scenery.
The welsh are known for their sheep and they did not disappoint.
Everywhere.
On the streets, laying around as you turn the bend, roaming, hauling ass to cross, grazing just about everywhere. Truly a sight.

The view from my b&b:



Caravans are in their glory this time of year and Wales delivered in a huge way. Not so great for the speed of one way traffic but since I give myself so much time each day to travel, I didn't mind.
Passing the little snack trucks that seem to come every few minutes was nice, the rolling, rolling green pastures and flowers, farms and cottages, villages dotted along the way.
I listened to the new Emmy Lou all the way there, ate the fresh strawberries they sent me off with in Swansea and definitely hit my hobo stride.

My soundcheck with Ian, Tony and Alan was almost as much fun as the show!
The bursitis in my shoulder is really acting up lately & the fun started with Ian suggesting we hang me from a rope to stretch it. It turned into a Madonna'esc sound check from there and all I can say it was really the most fun I have had:



Despite not being huge numbers, it was a good-sized crowd and incredibly fun. A beautiful centre like a castle inside and nestled right next to the river:





We really had one of those nights.. me and my audience. The kind that make me want to cuddle and hug them all afterward. I loved every minute of that stage.
And as a bonus I made friends with Cath and Eileen at the b&b I was housed at and cannot wait to return as a tourist and really get to know Bulith Wells.

Speaking of my hobo stride...

I am in it 100% and although happy to be getting 2 weeks off coming up here, will be a bit sad that it's getting interupted.
It seemed to take longer to hit this time around & breaking it up is like doing to show sets - I hate that.

WIth that said, I have to admit the logistics of what I do are disheartening more often than not, exhausting and sometimes downright depressing. But I am happy to report all of the shows have been stellar and the souls I have been lucky enough to meet and call friends have made the other bits disappear slightly.
Those 90-120 minutes on stage take a lot to get to but at the moment I can say they are feeling mighty fine and the worth the hefty price. Mostly. Sometimes.
I say that today.

This feeling of road...show bliss comes and goes.
It's a never-ending thing with me I guess. The road, being home, the road, being home.

The other day I was in tatters over the business, with a fever and totally wiped out from the politics that don't go away in this soul-crushing business. Then the next, I am happily cruising along with just the right song on, the remainder of the show from the night before still in my body, the thought of the last hug I got from the new most likely life-long friend I just made, humming whatever song of mine that seems to be stuck in my head.

Today was a harrowing often hilarious drive down roads that I kid you not fit ONE car. No more than one. And barely that.
Roads that meant someone had to back down and hit reverse on the other end. Lucky for me it was clear I didn't know what I was doing and most backed up.
Don't believe me? See for yourself :-):



I am sitting in bed after spending time with the kindest Welsh family, eating food mostly grown here at the cottage, having great conversation and feeling more relaxed than I have felt since hitting this pavement again.

The show reviews have been great, lots of videos and photo's, live BBC interviews, invites to new venues. feedback from the new CD have been very positive and along with the usual newspaper online articles etc.. I got a great on tour write up in Maverick again.

I'll admit I'm not 100% convinced. Money is tight and logistics are sometimes paralyzing.
But I'm not going anywhere...
Exactly how it will even out only time can tell. But I can feel it beginning to smooth over the way it was always meant to be. Music AND a life. Wow, who could have imagined?

If you happen to talk to me on one of those days where my tires blew out or it was pissing rain and I was late for a radio interview, maybe lost on those crazy backroads somewhere, having a go with someone in the business, not getting enough sleep or food, had a night before of singing to hand-crossed punters who'd rather drink a pint and I'm a little cranky ... I hope you'll understand it's just a passing moment and I still believe... and am pretty much a happy camper, hobo, gypsy, wanderin', traveler, wife, friend, daughter and stranger. Remember, strangers are just friends you haven't met yet.

Sending you love from a cold footed American girl in Wales.
I need warmer socks!

love,
Chris

The first of many podcasts to come. Both on the road, at home.... audio from telephone & video:


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After finishing up my new record in Texas I flew back to California to see family. While my nieces and I were cleaning their house for a party my sister was holding - my heart broke in the most beautiful way when I heard my niece Maya blast my CD Little Lighthouse and sing along as she cleaned. THIS is why I do what do and I don't know what else to say. love, Chris

Taken May 24, 2008 after returning from doing my new record in Austin, Texas and before my UK tour started in June... On some time off now (2 weeks - yay!) and wanted to share this with you... love, Chris p.s Yes, this means a yodeling, spooning song in German IS coming... stay tuned!

Friday at 19:00, the new CD arrived at my doorstep. By 4:00(am) I was in the car heading for the Munich airport ready for my tour to begin.

It's been a whirlwind and I'm not sure where to start. I haven't had a minute to sit down and catch up with myself yet, let alone write any blogs.

So although today isn't a day off either, I do have some time before I head to the BBC for my next radio interview.

The first flight in to Heathrow Terminal 5 was interesting to say the least. Nowhere near the level of frustration of March 27 but wait until I tell you this....

As we sat in the runway (not pulled up to any station) the pilot announced he was sorry for the delay we'd be experiencing. He informed us the tower did not have us on the schedule. A morning flight MUC via LHR everyday of the year, at the same time and they didn't know we were coming??
After waiting nearly 45 minutes on board, it did throw me into a tail spin running for my puddle jumper to Newcastle.

I made it only to land on the other end and wait no less than 3 hours to get my rental car. Not only did their printer break which is necessary or renting but they ran out cars even though everyone in line had reserved one.

So that's how my tour started and getting in the car exhausted from no sleep the night before and getting lost wasn't exactly my idea of fun. My phone hadn't been topped off so I couldn't call my agent.
Fortunately I found a nice couple when I pulled over that let me call Helen and figure out where the heck I was. And it's pathetic to be honest... South Shields is not huge and I should know better. I was just so tired already.

Saturday was chaotic in my head. I couldn't make sense of anything and the shock of the world I used to live in right there in front of me, kind of freaked me out.

Living on the road is something I used to do. It started as a real honest pull to it and somewhere along the way turned into of course not only a job but a sort of duty to my fans as well as proof to my family.

It all sounds complicated and it is really so I can tell you after 1.5 years off the road and the cold, hard business of music, I was nowhere near prepared for the harsh reality of it.
People think what I do is glamorous and see it through romance red glasses. Sorry to shatter the illusion but if it's your job and you are a folk singer, the roses are in short supply and the money, that's another story.

I had a well expected mini breakdown and was on my way. Back to the business I mean.

My first show in Newcastle was a success and I even surprised myself by having a really, really good time.
My agent and publicist were both there (which admittedly I'd love to have on the road with me always...*sigh) and my friend Dave videotaped it. So hopefully along with some other video footage and photo's, I can get that posted here.

I headed down South a bit after and had another great show that topped Newcastle. The folks in Beverly were adorable and attentive and the show was my favorite of the tour so far. I really could have gone on for hours.
Although getting to radio beforehand in the pouring rain then straight to the promoters house was somewhat challenging, I made it and went close to straight on the stage in good spirits.

The downside is we discovered I had a flat as well as slow leaks in both tires as someone had smashed in the back rims from the inside. I guess that meant I was close to having 2 blow outs had it not been noticed and just changed.
There were no extra cars for hire nearby so the good guys at the Fix it tyre shop banged out my rims intent on getting me to Edinburgh, Scotland for my next show.

Edinburgh although a let down in attendance was also a good show and out the blue a girl I met at a show in Modesto, California in 2003 (my first CD Little Lighthouse CD release) was there! Small, small world I tell you.

Oh I failed to mention that after being lost most of the first few days I decided to invest in Sat. Nav... To those of you in the US, GPS. Oh yeeeah.
I could go on and on and on about how much easier this had made my life but instead I will just say I call her Daisy, I love her and never want to lose her.

The following show in Kircaldy, Scotland was made even better by my fantastic hosts Davey and Mary. Their spirits soared and the love they share for each other very contagious. I hope Helli and I are like them when we grow up.
We formed a very nice friendship and it was the first time on the tour I really felt comfortable and could relax a little. After the show, Davey talked me into a gorgeous smokey flavored single malt whiskey as a night cap. I don't drink on the road anymore but I could hear my husband voice in my head telling me to turn down a whiskey offered by a Scottsman would be mad...
I had my first ly in nestled in their gorgeous cozy house, indulged in some caffeinated with cream coffee the next morning and was on my way to where I am now, Sheffield.

Pete asked me last minute Friday if I wanted to play the Village Hall outside of town with Jez Lowe and the bad pennies. And since Kate Bramley (his violinist) will be joining me on some dates this summer, it couldn't have worked out any better.
What a lovely hall and the other Pete running it, was absolutely the sweetest man.
Jez and the band were much better this time around then when I saw them come through Innsbruck. Could have something to do with not even 10 people in attendance the first time I saw them compared to last nights packed hall.

So there is a lot of in between stuff but nothing is jumping out at me at the moment. Just a lot of driving from one place to the next, arriving just in time for sound checks the almost straight to the stage. It's been pretty hectic so far. I'm losing too much weight which coming from me sounds absurd I know. Living off the raw food I bought at the start of the tour but hardly having a stomach or time to eat it properly. Not good.

I definitely feel jolted and loopy being back out here but I have to say, knowing I have a home and a wonderful husband and good friends to go back home to, is keeping me centered.

It feels more like work than ever and I surely haven't hit my hobo stride the way I used to. I'm not sure or will but if I do, I am guessing it'll be a whole nother shebang since I get to fly in and out of Austria for rests in between. No more of this 6 months straight touring... just me and guitar and 100lb bag. I don't miss those days not for a second and if offered all sorts of money to get them back, I wouldn't even think about it. I don't envy a musician that loves it. Hats off to doing anything in life you love if you do but I can honestly say I have no desire to live on the road the way I used to. And having experienced it hard for far too long, I have had enough of my share and am content to pass the baton to whomever wants it.

Having a life other than music is something I never even wanted but now that I have it, I'm sorry to confess I prefer it over the life of a folk musician.

There's room for both in my life but at the moment, I am still thinking about the next hike, the next picnic, my husbands cooking and friends waiting in the alps.
Maybe I will catch up with myself out here and land. I'm not sure. Maybe not.
Either way, I'm enjoying the roundabouts, the lovely people, the little backroads, the satisfied feeling after a show well done. I expect I won't hit a stride so much as anticipate times passing.

Now that I've figured out how to be happy it's hard to drive in circles and know it's in another country altogether.

The first 1000 of, "Dust & branches...songs from a wanderer"

The delivery man literally was home and going to come the next day (when I'd be in the UK already!) & only came because my duplicator called him at home! Then he left them outside the building and was only caught by my husband coming home. Barely got him to help us get them inside the building at least. Getting them up to the top floor, that's another story. :)

On a recent hike I organized for and with my Innsbruck expats/locals group, Thomas, the son of our good friend Gaby, broke his foot. For the third time this year. Our good friend Dr. Douggl checked him on scene and my husband Helli ran down the mountain to get the car, drove them down, then ran back up to join us. Wow.

On a hike days later with my husband, we passed two middle-aged women taking their donkeys out for a walk. I took a pretty terrible photo but I'll try to post it.

The following Friday on a hike with our friend Gaby, we watched a farmer nearly beat up a cyclist cutting across his fields. When I say beat, I am not exaggerating. The cyclist was minutes away from the trail but for fear of being beat, quickly turned around and went all the way back. Don't mess with Tyrolean farmers. I'm serious.

On a hike last weekend, we made friends with locals playing guitar and accordian at the beer house we hiked up to. We drank radlers, I sang my heart out, Helli used his finger to make a capo for me so I could play Whiskey Night and I learned to play spoons and yodel. The family that owned the house were so happy we got free hats and shirts and were invited to return with our friends and play the house instruments whenever we want. I have video which I'll try to post. We'll for sure be back.

All in all, hiking in the alps is more than just good shoes and sunscreen.
I'm looking forward to my breaks in between touring.
I should have my yodeling skills down by then.